Category Archives: Humour

Islam reaches a new level of laughingstock!

WTF is wrong with Islam? Why do the imam’s want everyone else to be as miserable, and insecure, and narrow minded, as they are! Why do they want to stop people being happy? WTF is wrong with this religion?

I issue a fatwa against all Muslim clerics who want everyone else to be as miserable, and insecure, narrow minded, and impotent, as they are, to be banned from claiming to speak in the name of Islam!  :)
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Kashmir girl band splits after fatwa

Date
February 5, 2013 – 9:21PM

Srinagar

An all-girl teenage rock band from split after top Muslim cleric declares their music to be ‘un-slamic’.

The group calls its quits after the Grand Mufti of Jammu and Kashmir brands them as 'indecent'.The group calls its quits after the Grand Mufti of Jammu and Kashmir brands them as ‘indecent’.

An all-girl teenage rock band from Indian-administered Kashmir has split after the region’s top Muslim cleric declared their music to be “un-Islamic”.

Pragaash, a three-piece group whose members are still in high school, had been the target of an online hate campaign ever since winning a battle of the bands contest in December.

But they have called its quits after the Grand Mufti of Jammu and Kashmir, Bashiruddin Ahmad, branded them as “indecent” and issued a fatwa calling for them to disband.

“After the fatwa the girls decided to quit and disband,” Adnan Mattoo, the band’s manager, said on Tuesday.

The mother of one of the girls confirmed her daughter had decided to leave the band, saying she was staying with relatives outside Kashmir until the fuss died down.

“My daughter had been depressed and irritable so we decided to send her away to another city for some time,” said the mother, who did not want to give her name.

The comments by the grand mufti have been widely criticised, with the state’s Chief Minister, Omar Abdullah, among those calling on the band not to be intimidated into giving up.

Kashmir is India’s only Muslim-majority state and hardline Islamists have a reputation for trying to impose Islamic law.

AFP

Read more: http://www.theage.com.au/world/kashmir-girl-band-splits-after-fatwa-20130205-2dwa2.html#ixzz2K29Wjo76

Tony Bl(abbotts) idiot crew, still alive and well!

Tony Bl(Abbott’s) band of idiots still, like Bl(Abbott) himself, still continue to get facts wrong, uttering inane statements, about serious things.

And these people expect the Australian public to support them!!!

The mind boggles!!!
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MP red faced over Gillard tweet

Date
January 28, 2013 – 7:21PM

Queensland Coalition MP Andrew Laming caused controversy on Twitter for suggesting the Prime Minister was ignoring flood-stricken Queensland.

The member for Bowman, who has a history of making provocative statements on the social media network, said on Monday afternoon: “Tony Abbott at a Brisbane SES depot today. Where’s the PM?”

The Prime Minister was touring bushfire-affected parts of Victoria with Premier Ted Baillieu at the time, while Treasurer Wayne Swan visited flood-affected parts of Ipswich and Brisbane. In Brisbane, Opposition Leader Tony Abbott helped fill sandbags with council staff and volunteers at the Newmarket SES centre before visiting Brisbane Emergency Management Headquarters. “I want to say how impressed I am by the way the people of Brisbane have rallied behind each other in this crisis”, he said.

At a press conference in the Gippsland region, Ms Gillard told journalists she had spoken to Queensland Premier Campbell Newman and offered to provide assistance. “To the people of Queensland, we will be there working with you, alongside you as we face the consequences of this wild weather,” she said.

Ms Gillard offered her condolences to the friends and family of three people who had lost their lives. She urged people to stay safe by taking precautions, listening to warnings and not entering flood waters.

Dr. Laming’s tweet quickly drew negative reactions on the social network, with users condemning the remarks as inaccurate, insensitive and self-interested. Country independent Rob Oakeshott said “C’mon Andrew. Are you serious about that question? Its wet, its windy, its dangerous. Its a time to help where we can.”

Earlier in January, Dr Laming was condemned by the federal government for his comments on Twitter after clashes between Aboriginal and Pacific Islander communities south of Brisbane. “Mobs tearing up Logan tonight. Did any of them do a day’s work today, or was it business as usual and welfare on tap?” he said. He later issued a cl––arification through the social network, adding “To clarify: Working together to resolve these riots the priority. Training and a chance for jobs are key.”

The MP was roundly criticised with Trade Minister Craig Emerson calling on Tony Abbott to “have a frank conversation about whether Mr Laming is fit to continue in his role” as opposition spokesman for indigenous health. ‘

The MP’s Twitter account remained silent until late in the afternoon, with user Le Grace pointed out: “I think @AndrewLamingMP is now perfectly aware of the PM’s location.” Dr Laming has since tweeted: “Innocent question. PM to be commended for attending Vic bushfire areas.”

with Daniel Hurst

Read more: http://www.theage.com.au/opinion/political-news/mp-red-faced-over-gillard-tweet-20130128-2dgrk.html#ixzz2JH9COyx0

Damn!!!

Bugger!!! Looks like I will still need to do my Christmas shopping on the 22nd! 😦
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WHY DIDN’T THE WORLD END YESTERDAY?

Yahoo!7  December 14, 2012, 11:15 am

Why didn’t the world end yesterday?

Well, it’s the wrong date for a start, but that hasn’t stopped NASA prematurely releasing a video explaining why the Mayan ‘end-of-the-world prophecy’ won’t come true.

A full week before the world is supposed to end on December 21st, 2012, NASA has released a video debunking the many myths surrounding the so-called prophecy.

‘If you are watching this video then that means one thing … the world didn’t end yesterday,’ the video begins.

The video goes on to debunk the claim that Nibiru, a rogue planet known only to the Sumerians, will crash into Earth destroying all life.

Conveniently, there is no planet, NASA says.

How it might look when the world doesn’t end. Photo: NASA

Another theory put forward by doomsayers is that the sun will destroy the Earth, but luckily for us, NASA says this theory is wrong too.

‘Right now the sun is approaching the peak of its 11-year activity cycle but this is the wimpiest solar cycle of the last 50-years,’ Lika Guhathakurta says.

Perhaps the Earth’s magnetic field will reverse, causing extreme weather events?

Or maybe our planet will hurtle headlong into a previously undiscovered black hole?

Nope, NASA says.

In fact, there simply is no Mayan prophecy at all. The doomsday prophecy stems from a misreading of the Mayan calendar.

“The concept of time used by Mayan’s dwarfed those of modern astronomer,” Dr. John Carlson says in the video.

“According to our science the Big Bang occurred 13.7 billion years ago but there are dates in Mayan ruins that stretch back a billion billion times farther than that.”

“The Mayan Long Count calendar was designed to keep track of such long intervals and is the most complex calendar system ever developed.”

So there you have it. There is no doomsday prophecy, just the astronomical equivalent of failing to carry the one, or forgetting to set the alarm clock.

But then they would say that, wouldn’t they.

Mark your calendar – 21 Dec 2012 – Apocalypse Day!

I am going to be really pissed off if the Mayan calendar is wrong and the world does not end on the 21st December 2012!

Why?

Because that means I will still have to buy my family Kris Kringle present!!! And the kids’!
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Apocalypse … but not as we know it

Date
December 12, 2012 – 5:14PM

Richard Ingham, Paris

A Judgment Day billboard that appeared on Sydney Road, Coburg last year.A Judgment Day billboard that appeared on Sydney Road, Coburg last year. Photo: Craig Abraham

The End Of The World As We Know It (TEOTWAWKI) is littered with predictions that didn’t quite pan out.

Just ask the folks who are still chewing through the food they stashed away at the time of the Killer Blob scare four years ago.

That was when doomsters predicted CERN physicists would reduce the Earth to goo when they switched on their new particle smasher.

In the Cold War, scientists feared a 'nuclear winter' from an all-out war between the United States and the Soviet Union.In the Cold War, scientists feared a ‘nuclear winter’ from an all-out war between the United States and the Soviet Union.

In October, a German woman who feared the Earth would be sucked into oblivion in a black hole failed in her court bid to stop the work of the European Organisation for Nuclear Research (CERN).

Armageddon experts thus are cueing weary smiles for another non-TEOTWAWKI moment on December 21, supposedly named by the Mayan calendar as the Big One.

“One thing all apocalyptic predictions have in common is that they are false. They never happen,” sighs Stephen O’Leary at the University of Southern California.

Even so, many hard-headed scientists take TEOTWAWKI seriously.

Not, of course, in a mystical context.

Nor even as an event that is Goodnight Vienna, a global slate-wiper.

Instead, they tend to see it in the context of a relatively smaller episode that is amplified by human frailty, and so becomes cataclysmic.

The reason: Today’s seven billion humans live in a complex and mainly urban society, dependent on long supply chains for food, power and water.

One big shock, and this fragile structure starts to crack.

“A lot of things in this world are very interconnected, and it does make us vulnerable,” says Jocelyn Bell Burnell, a top British astrophysicist at Oxford University.

“For example, one thing many people may not have appreciated is that if there is a bad solar storm that knocks out several communications satellites, things like the GPS (the Global Positioning System) will go down.”

In the worst scenarios, many millions could die, economies collapse and civilisations could retreat or die, even if the planet – and humans as a species – survived.

In 1918-1919 so-called Spanish flu, a new strain of influenza against which people had no immunity, killed between 20 and 50 million people, making it the deadliest disease of the 20th century. In rough terms, it was the equivalent of up to 200 million deaths today.

There was a near-miss in 1997, when H5N1 bird flu, a strain that kills up to 60 per cent of those it infects, broke out in Hong Kong. The virus was stopped by a drastic cull of poultry. And in 2009, a new virus, H1N1 swine flu, turned out to be relatively harmless.

But virologists say we cannot dodge the bullet forever. Another highly virulent, novel strain, mixed by farm animals and transmitted to humans, is just a matter of time.

Another biggie is climate change.

Super-storm Sandy has prompted much hand-wringing about extreme weather events caused by man-made disruption to the climate system.

But many experts say the worst impacts of global warming will be progressive, not monster single events.

Like the lobster that is slowly cooked to death in a pan of water but doesn’t know it, these accumulating threats easily pass under the political radar.

Some specialists foresee repeated droughts that hit the world’s bread-basket regions, forcing up the price of cereals and millions of poor people into famine.

“In low-lying areas where you have massive numbers of people living within a metreof sea level, like Bangladesh, it means that the land that sustains their lives disappears, and you have hundreds of millions of climate refugees,” warns Grant Foster of US climate consultancy Tempo Analytics.

“That can lead to resource wars and all kinds of conflicts.”

Then there is the threat from space rocks.

“We have that pretty well under control but it could be nasty if we slipped up,” says Bell Burnell.

A familiar nightmare is of the rogue asteroid or comet that smacks into Earth, creating vast fires whose dust would rise into the stratosphere and linger there for years, cooling the planet and shrivelling the vegetation on which land life depends.

In such a way was ended the reign of the dinosaurs, 65 million years ago.

A US-led initiative is monitoring the skies for the biggest asteroids.

But less well-mapped are smaller ones, capable of wiping out a city or region. There are also comets that are undocumented because they return to our neighbourhood on a span of centuries.

In the Cold War, scientists feared a “nuclear winter” from an all-out war between the United States and the Soviet Union.

But recent calculations suggest this scenario could occur even from a limited nuclear exchange at regional level.

A study reported in Scientific American in 2009 found that fires from 100 Hiroshima-sized warheads detonated by India and Pakistan would generate at least five megatonnes of smoke.

“Within nine days the soot would extend around the globe,” it said.

“After 49 days, the particles would blanket the inhabited Earth, blocking enough sunlight that skies would look overcast perpetually, everywhere.”

AFP

Read more: http://www.theage.com.au/world/apocalypse–but-not-as-we-know-it-20121212-2b9hc.html#ixzz2Ep02RNMr

People are smarter that the political parties think they are!

Historically, it has been politically shown, that personal attacks are made by political parties, on individual member’s of parliament, of opposing parties, when they, the attacking parties, have nothing else to offer,…, when they are struggling to appear to the populace that they have something to offer,…, so instead of telling everyone, of what they have to offer, they attack individual’s of the successful party, …, It is the tactic of losers’

The populace, in this case, are not so dumb as Tony Blabbott and his wimpy dishrag Bishop, think they are…

The thinking populace are I believe, very much aware, that an attempt at character assassination is a stupid ploy, driven by desperation, by an inept party to garner the votes of a stupid public! But I believe the thinking public are smart enough to see through this!

If we are to take Tony Blabbott and dishrags seriously, let us hear some of their policies, instead of useless attacks against the opposition. When in power, the government of the day, will realise, that, attacks against the opposition are not going to be good enough! It will be policies that will be required!!!

Blabbott and Bishop… What a horrible prospect for the future government of this country!!!

Most people now believe Blabbott and Bishop are flogging a dead horse…

And of course that is what they want to do,  for they have no positive actions of their own!!!

Bishop claims PM breached law on fund

Date November 27, 2012

Michelle Grattan

Illustration: Ron TandbergIllustration: Ron Tandberg

DEPUTY Opposition Leader Julie Bishop has dramatically upped the ante over the AWU affair by claiming Prime Minister Julia Gillard was involved in a breach of the law.

The opposition’s accusation followed Ms Gillard’s seizing of the initiative before  question time with her second feisty marathon news conference on the affair in three months.

Looking angry – and at times toughly confronting reporters, telling one not to ‘‘hector’’ her –  Ms Gillard challenged critics to produce evidence.  ‘‘I did nothing wrong,’’ she said.
The PM launched an extraordinary, blistering attack on Ralph Blewitt, a former AWU official, who with Ms Gillard’s then boyfriend Bruce Wilson set up the union slush fund from which they siphoned money.

Replying to Mr Blewitt’s claim she had not been present when she ‘‘witnessed’’ a power of attorney form, she denounced him as someone who had admitted to fraud, who used prostitutes in Asia, and had published lewd comments with accompanying photographs of young women on Facebook.

‘‘Mr Blewitt, according to people who know him, has been described as a complete imbecile, an idiot, a stooge, a sexist pig, a liar and his sister has said he’s a crook and rotten to the core. His word against mine – make your mind up.’’

Although she did not recall this specific witnessing, she said she witnessed many thousands of documents and ‘‘I did that witnessing properly’’.

After the opposition devoted all its questions in the House of Representatives to the affair, Ms Bishop said Ms Gillard had breached ‘‘relevant laws’’, including the Associations Incorporation Act ‘‘by advising on the creation of false documents incorporating the association’’. The documentation was false because it did not set out the association’s true purpose – a slush fund for re-electing union officials.

In her news conference, Ms Gillard lashed out at the opposition ‘‘for sleaze and smear’’. Answering specific allegations, Ms Gillard said she:

• Did not remember receiving $5000 in her bank account allegedly put there at the request of Mr Wilson. She had checked with her bank, but records did not go back that far.

• Had not reported the slush fund fraud to the authorities in 1995 when she first heard rumours of it because she had no evidence.  ‘‘I didn’t have anything before me which would suggest that the association’s accounts had been misused’’.

• Had not needed to inform others in the AWU about the fund. ‘‘The two people I was dealing with [Wilson and Blewitt] were office-bearers of the AWU.’’

• Only advised on the setting-up of the fund – she did not establish it. ‘‘My role was as a legal adviser providing advice about the incorporation of that association … I have been defamed  on a number of occasions with forms of words saying that I set up a fund or a bank account,’’ she said. ‘‘I did not set up a fund. I did not set up a bank account.’’ She rejected the proposition a union resolution was needed for such a fund.

After Ms Bishop put all the opposition questions,  with Tony Abbott staying silent,  Ms Gillard said: ‘‘For the benefit of those following proceedings by radio I confirm that the Leader of the Opposition was present at question time today.’’

On the ABC Monday night, Mr Blewitt hit back against the PM. ‘‘Julia Gillard has been labelling this a smear campaign. I think that’s a bit hypocritical of her to now come out and try and smear me.’’  She was trying to distract from the ‘‘main event’’. He claimed he had ‘‘no financial gain whatsoever’’ from the slush fund.

Poll: Has the PM put the AWU affair to rest?

Yes 58%
No 42%

Total votes: 18424.

Poll closes in 15 hours.

Disclaimer: These polls are not scientific and reflect the opinion only of visitors who have chosen to participate.

Read more: http://www.theage.com.au/opinion/political-news/bishop-claims-pm-breached-law-on-fund-20121126-2a3o7.html#ixzz2DLmBBOXE

Thank God for stupid people! :)

When nothing else can make you laugh, you read something like this, and then you can have a really good laugh!

Thank God, for stupid people!!!
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Ancient doomsday prophecy

October 31, 2012, 6:18 pm Damien Hansen Today Tonight

The ancient Mayans predicted that the world will end on the 21st of December this year, and plenty of people are preparing for the worst.

Aussies prepare for doomsday

The Ancient Mayan calendar predicts the 21st of December is when the world will end, and there are tens of thousands of believers who have prepared for the worst.

While the predictions won’t stop most people from making plans for Christmas, the doomsday preppers are getting a secret hideaway ready.

A global underground movement is preparing for Armageddon, and survivalists across Australia are anticipating the end of days by building underground panic rooms and filling secure bunkers with food and supplies.

For centuries, ancient civilisations have earmarked this year, 2012, for Armageddon. And now, modern day mums and dad are warning the end is nigh.

In Queensland’s picturesque town of Allora, preparations are well underway.

Just like most small towns, you’ll find a supermarket, three pubs, a chemist, a bank, a newsagent and a handful of cafes. But Allora is also the base for the Earth Mother Emissary Council and its devoted group of followers who are busily preparing for the end of the world as we know it.

Across the border in New South Wales there are more preppers. The hills around Tenterfield in northern New South Wales were once riddled with bushrangers, but now they’re being sold as a safe place to sit out the apocalypse.

This reporter is on Twitter at @DamienHansen7

Tony (Bl)Abbott now an international embarrassment!

And now, even the UK Press have picked up on Tony Blabbott’s character! And laughing!
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  • 12:46AM   Wednesday Oct 24, 2012

‘Sexist’ Tony makes waves abroad

Date  October 24, 2012

Vince Chadwick

Abbott baby comment backfires

Was Opposition leader Tony Abbott referring to PM Julia Gillard when he accused the government of inexperience in caring for babies?

“‘Misogynist’ politician in new row”. That’s how The Guardian website summed up the latest chapter in Australian politics today.

Michelle Grattan: Abbott gives birth to another faux pas

Correspondent Alison Rourke wrote that Opposition Leader Tony Abbott had “plunged himself into a new row over his attitude towards women” by remarking the government lacked experience raising children.

From the <i>Guardian's</i> website.From the Guardian’s website.

Mr Abbott later said he was referring to his own experience raising daughters and not the fact that Prime Minister Julia Gillard did not have children.

A video of Mr Abbott’s comments also featured prominently on the Guardian site, while the article attracted hundreds of likes, comments and tweets. It hovered around the fifth most-read story on one of the most-read news sites in the world, for much of the day.

One English woman tweeted of Mr Abbott, “Who IS this guy?!”

The Guardian carried two more stories on sexism in Australia. One covered Ms Gillard’s recent positive polls in the wake of her speech against misogyny. The other, “How Australian women are standing up to ‘Mr Sexist”‘, referred to journalist Tracey Spicer’s letter to a fictitious Mr Sexist, based on her experience in newsrooms in Australia.

Poll: Was Tony Abbott having a dig at Julia Gillard?

Yes 74%
No 26%

Total votes: 511.

Disclaimer:These polls are not scientific and reflect the opinion only of visitors who have chosen to participate.

Read more: http://www.theage.com.au/opinion/political-news/sexist-tony-makes-waves-abroad-20121023-283w0.html#ixzz2A88KalmJ

Tony Blabbott (sic) Hahahahahahah!

What an idiot he is!

All his comments and political about turns, are made with the same thoroughly researched data!

I just can’t help laughing, as soon as he opens his mouth to speak, because I know something stupid is going to come out of it. Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!
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Tony’s latest knockout punch

Date  September 25, 2012
Oops,…,  Abbott slips

Tony Abbott takes a swipe at Julia Gillard, saying she should be in Indonesia talking to President Yudhoyono, not at the UN in New York. Trouble is, SBY is also in New York.

TONY Abbott has swung one political punch too many, and yesterday floored himself.

As Julia Gillard arrived in the United States for a last-ditch effort to garner support for Australia’s Security Council bid, Mr Abbott insisted she should be elsewhere.

With boat arrivals continuing apace, he said rather than ”swanning around in New York talking to Africans,” spruiking for votes, she should be in Indonesia ”because that is where Australia’s national interest is most at stake right now.”

Illustration: Ron TandbergIllustration: Ron Tandberg

”Rather than talking to African countries trying to drum up the numbers to get us a temporary seat on the UN Security Council, she should be in Jakarta talking to President Yudhoyono – talking about how we can co-operate better with the Indonesians to stop this flow which is putting our border protection hopelessly under the pump.”

Unfortunately for Abbott, President Yudhoyono wasn’t in Jakarta but just where Gillard was – in New York.

Acting Prime Minister Wayne Swan quickly jumped on the gaffe, attacking the opposition leader for not knowing what was ”a clear matter of public record”. ”Mr Abbott ought to retract his statements immediately – he ought to apologise for them. He ought to give an undertaking that he’s going to give up this reckless negativity which is always in complete defiance of the facts.” He also pointed out that when Abbott had met Yudhoyono in Australia he ”did not have the courage” to raise his tow-back policy.

The mistake came after some difficult weeks for Abbott, when he has contradicted himself about whether he had read a BHP Billiton press release and shifted his story about an incident from his university days.

Gillard is putting herself on the line in her campaign. Australia was encouraged by the support it had received, she said, ”but it’s tight and it’s tough and so I’m here personally to advocate for our election”.

Asked to rate Australia’s chances, she likened herself to the grand final coaches. ”You won’t hear any of those coaches speculating on the results … They’ll be talking about what they’re doing to get in there and win. I’m playing the same role on a very different stage.”

Invoking his own sport metaphor, Abbott said it ”was never worth the $40 million-plus that this government has spent just to win a bronze medal at the United Nations”.

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Read more: http://www.theage.com.au/opinion/political-news/tonys-latest-knockout-punch-20120924-26hbk.html#ixzz27qLk3OoU